I’d Like to Thank the Academy…

… for not making me too miserable last night.  You know, watching the Academy Awards.  Needless to say my Wolverine fantasy of a few posts ago went unrealized, but I’m forced to admit that Hugh Jackman is a talented guy.  Mrs. Stagger was predictably effusive throughout, even at one point slipping off the slope of reason and into the abyss of absurdity.

Her: Hugh Jackman would make a good James Bond.
Me: Wha.. aa..aa?
Her: Take a look. He could definitely–
Me: You mean and replace Daniel Craig?!
Her: Well, not–
Me: The best Bond ever.
Her: I was only–
Me: Who could kick the snot out of Jason Bourne.
Her: It was just–
Me: And Jack Bauer, both at the same time.
Her: Maybe if–
Me: And probably even Wolverine if it came to that.
Her: I was–
Me: I can’t believe you’d even consider something like that.
Her: Whatever.

After we got over that piece of awkwardness, things went reasonably OK.  I liked Slumdog Millionaire a lot, so I was reasonably happy with the general results. 

Oh, yeah, Sean Penn.  What can you say.  He’s good at his job (though his wife is better).  But unless some writer is putting words in his mouth, he’s an idiot. 

Now regarding the substantive issue, gay marriage, I’m honestly not opposed.  My conservative temperament makes me cautious about fiddling with longstanding cultural practice.  However, in this instance I’m sympathetic to the arguments for change.  Let’s face it: human existence has a degree of isolation and loneliness built into it; for the person born homosexual (for such, with few exceptions, is the case) this condition is magnified.  Therefore I think there’s unnecessary cruelty in denying the consolations of marriage to gays and lesbians. And I think it outweighs any dangers.  Besides, as an institution, marriage has, at this point, bigger enemies.  More than a few of them, obviously, to be found within the Hollywood population, its attitudes and behavior.

That said… well, listen to Andrew Klavan:

Let’s say you believe that gay marriage should be legalized and you want to convince those among your fellow Americans who have reservations. It seems to me the wisest, most effective course would be to assume the opposition to be people of good will with real concerns and to argue your position before them forcefully but reasonably. Now let’s say you’re a narcissistic windbag who wants to parade yourself in front of people who agree with you as an icon of crusading righteousness when you’re really just a violent lowlife who idolizes dictators and tyrants while attacking your own country. Ah, then you would be Sean Penn.

Oh, and Sean, you can hire the best tailor on Savile Row, you can develop a better British accent than Laurence Olivier, you can learn more martial arts than Kung-Fu Panda… but, if there is a God in Heaven, you will never –ever– get to be James Bond.


2 responses to “I’d Like to Thank the Academy…

  1. So how was my blog revealed; was it listed with my post or something? If I promise to stay away from the bathroom talk will you continue to read?

    I would like to see Jason Bourne vs. Daniel Craig, I mean Jason… he’s like a programmed robot.

  2. 1. On the Internet there is no place to hide. That’s why you gotta stop talking about keeping poo-poo in the freezer, all nestled up against the Lean Cuisines and everything.
    2. Jason Bourne is played by Matt Damon, who Sarah Palin could take down with one little kick in the cupcakes. End of discussion.

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